Spiraling out of Control

Wow, it has been way too long since I have been on here.  I will be honest, I have fallen off the wagon since about June, right after I ran the Tough Mudder.  I only worked out once or twice a week, but my eating habits increasingly got worse.  It was a vicious cycle.  For each unhealthy choice I made I would tell myself that today was the last day of this.  Each day I told myself that same thing.  In turn my self esteem rapidly dropped, the body I had worked so hard for began deteriorating into what I refer to as "skinny-fat",  I still looked skinny clothed, but underneath I have lost a lot of the muscle and replaced it with fat.

Last week I took one serious look into my habits, evaluated where I stood and started to watch what i was doing.  I see the struggles people go through now.  So there is my silver lining, I can relate better to people who struggle with overeating, food addictions, no desire to workout, etc.   I hate being in this place.   I hate how badly I feel about myself, how I don't feel strong and healthy, how I don't feel like I can conquer physical challenges any more.  So on Monday I decided to stop think

ing about how bad I felt and do something positive to get me back to where I am happy.

 My changes are really hard for me.  I have to break bad eating habits, bad drinking habits, and being lazy.
I have to plan meals because failing to plan is planning to fail.  It is the place where we pick something up that is fast, or I eat something bad for me because I waited too long to eat, or not packing breakfast so I pick up a bagel and cream cheese.  I know what causes my bad eating habits, so awareness helps!  I have to limit my portions, even if this means dumping salt on it when I am full but still want to eat more just because it tastes good (I do this all of the time).  Realizing that when I go out to eat I can make healthy choices, I dont need to pick whatever sounds like its going to taste the best- because when I go out I pick something to eat like it is my last meal, it doesn't matter how bad it is for me, if I want it I want it- and lets face it, it most likely wont be my last meal :)  I need to Realize that only sometimes I should be picking whatever i want just because I want it, like on a special occasion.  I need to limit my alcohol intake.  Summer is always my downfall on this.  I love my wine and beer.  Even though it is better than drinking soda it should also be drank in moderation.

Working out is the easy part.  As long as I plan to do it it will get done.  It feels good, it gives my a high, and automatically increases my mood and self esteem.

So here it is.  I am holding myself accountable by blogging how well or how bad I did each day.  My struggles and failures, my successes and changes will all be posted here now.  Wish me luck to get back to my healthy, happy place!

This one is for all those mamas out there...

Having a child changes everything!  And by everything I mean EVERYTHING!  Beside the fact that you have much MUCH less time to take care of yourself and the never ending tired we feel from either running around all day, staying up all night with a sick crying baby- basically regular life plus the giant (but fun and beautiful) mess of having children.  Your metabolism changes, suddenly you can only eat half of what you used to be able to eat and still gain the fat.  Your boobies aren’t as spectacular as the used to be (or maybe they are more spectacular!!!)  You have stretch marks.  Maybe even you pee a little when you laugh too hard (ummm BTW there is a workout for that one too… lol)  Fat accumulated in places you didn’t used to have fat, and tripled in the places you did have fat.  It is a big, blubbery, sad mess.  Fortunately though by eating right and working out that mess can be changed little by little, day by day into a lean, mean fat fighting machine. 

I am not saying it is easy.  It is hard, and some days just plain suck.  Some days I am all about jumping out of bed before the ass crack of dawn and breaking a good sweat, but other days I am a lazy, whiny, tired, grumpy workout Grinch---(hmm much like today).  But I still did it.  And afterwards I was happier, more awake, and ready for the day.  I also looked at myself in the mirror before my shower, and even though nothing changed on my body from this weekend when I was feeling like garbage about myself and eating all of the food, I thought I looked healthier and more fit.  Its mentality-it’s that amazing self-confidence boost from busting my ass.

You owe it not only to your family, but to yourself to be happy and healthy.  And you deserve to see and feel the full potential of your body as a woman.  Don’t have unrealistic standards to meet, don’t compete with anyone but who you were yesterday. 

Also remember what your body did- it grew a life inside for 9 months, delivered a healthy baby, nurtured and cared for a baby afterwards.  Your body is amazing, strong, and it deserves respect regardless of the battle scars it may have.  So respect that body by taking care of it!

Support Other Women

The power women have in each other’s life is incredible and more powerful than we realize.  From a young age factors influence how we think of other women, how we treat other women, and in turn how we feel about ourselves.    Why is it that women are so negative with one another?  My belief is competition.  And what a load of crap is that… no matter what someone is always going to be smarter, more fit, more successful, and the list goes on.  We are not and should not be competing with one another for all of those things. 

In my life I have seen women attack one another, and I have been attacked by women.  I have been torn down by other women saying nasty, cruel, and false things about me.  I have seen women be shunned, not invited to events, and have the smallest, most personal details of their life pointed out for the world to know about.  I have even seen the pettiest things within small groups of female friends- not encouraging each other to better ones life because of fear of the other becoming better at something. 

From a young age I have not been able to trust other females in my life beside the women in my family and close friends.  I was actually terrified of other females.  I would feel anxious, uncomfortable, and insecure around them.  Their negative judgments and assumptions of me began to deteriorate the confidence I had in myself.  My self-worth, the way I viewed my physical appearance-just about every part of what made “me” me was affected.

It was not until recently in my life that I began to love “me” for me, to know who I am and because of that gain my own self-worth and confidence.  I stopped allowing other women to negatively influence how I felt as a person.  But other women still piss me off, still say negative things, and still make me hurt.  I just chose to ignore it best I can and be the strong, kind person I am.  Because if I don’t then I become a hard person. 

My goal (and has been my goal for some time) is to be kind, even to those who are unkind to me.  I falter at times, but I would rather feel good about myself than badly about myself for reacting to someone in a cruel, negative way.  More so my goal is to support women.

I want to support women, and I want other women to begin to support each other.  We as women have the power to shape other women.  We can help women to gain confidence and self-worth.  A women with no self-worth does not love herself, so she won’t take care of herself.  To take care of yourself is to love yourself.  So women who feel good about who they are and love who they are will be healthier, more fit women. 

So my request to you it to be a positive factor in other women’s lives.  Stop ridiculing one another out of fear or jealousy OR whatever your excuse is to be negative and cruel to or about another women.  JUST STOP IT.  It isn’t helping anyone, not even yourself.  Stop hurting each other by cruel words and cruel actions.  Even if a woman just doesn’t mesh with who you are, or you don’t agree with her life or her beliefs then be graceful and compassionate anyway.  You will even feel better about who you are.  Trust me, I have done this and it feels amazing!

Excuses are like (bad word)... EVERYONE has one :)

I could come up with a million excuses to stay out of shape forever, my list of excuses seems pretty damn good and pretty valid so here goes,
1. I had a baby so thats why I am out of shape
2. I am going through a divorce and I am too stressed out
3. I am a single mom, I am way too busy too workout
4. Way too tired
5. I couldnt wake up in time today
6. I dont have a gym membership
7. I dont want to work out alone
8. It is boring
9. I have a 10 month old and she makes it impossible because she gets in the way
10. My back/knees hurt
11. I am not that fat...
12. My favorite cause I just used this yesterday... I am out of coffee.  Yup I have an addiction and before my morning work out I have to have coffee.  I ran out so I didnt get up to have coffee... and had to workout after work. which sucked.


OK some of those excuses are lame BUT I may have used a few and I could use the others at times.  So whats my arguement against those?

1. I had a baby, so it is TIME to get in shape and be healthy.  If I am not healthy and I do not take care of myself then how can I take care of my baby/family to my best potential?!
2. I am going through a divorce and it does stress me out-BUT working out is amazing for stress.  I have actually just done an extra work out because I have had a really trying day and guess what afterwards it seems like a brand new day :)
3. YUP I do do a lot of things all alone.  I dont have as much help with my daughter as some people do.  But still not an excuse, I find the time to watch TV and spend time with friends so a 30 minute work out can absolutely happen.
4. I am tired, but when I workout I am way less tired.  When I dont work out I have more fatigue.
5. If I didnt wake up in time looks like I have to get in a fast workout after work.  Sucks to be me since i didnt get it out of the way first thing in the morning.
6. I cant afford a gym membership but I can afford a work out DVD or get online and print a great workout.  My house is a great place to woorkout and a lot less expensive!
7. Working out alone does suck, but it is pretty easy to find a friend who is in the same place as you are and need a partner for motivation also.  even if you only work out together 2-3 times a week
8. Running on a treadmill is boring... pretty much doing the same thing over and over is boring so be creative.  I do Insanity which is not boring, it is fast paced... if I dont do insanity I throw together my own little crossfit workout or circuit and always do intervals.  Makes the workout hard and flies by!
9. If I were to work out with Keilyn up and around it would be impossible.  I have to plan my workouts for early morning before she is awake or during her nap time.
10. My back and knees did hurt at first, but trust me with the right workout for you before you know if the muscles around your knees get stronger and support your knees better which means less pain- also your core becomes stronger which means less back pain.
11. Yea I am not that fat.  People like to give me shit for working out or say things like arent you lucky you dont really need to work out.  REALLY?  because thats what I want... I want to be that fat-skinny person (bleeeh gross).  NO I want to be a strong, confident, healthy person regardless of my size.
12. Out of coffee- so starting the workout early might be harder but at least afterwards I will be more awake than if I didnt do it.

When it comes down to it treat your work out like you would your job.  You wouldnt miss your job for any of those reasons so why are you missing your workouts?!  I dont find the time to work out, I make the time to work out.

So if you are someone who continues to make excuses its time to stop.  of course it is scary to start something new, but if you are determined you wont fail! 

Organize Your Chaotic Life!!!

Your stomach is not a waste basket, so stop putting garbage in it!  So why do we continue to do so when we know how it makes us feel? 

 Convenience is one reason.  But I can nip that one in the butt right away. 

 It is only convenient when our lives are disorganized and chaotic.  Wait... our lives are always and I mean ALWAYS chaotic in one way or another.  So we must put some sort of order and organization to our chaotic lives.  Pick a day, say Sunday and dedicate half of that day to organizing the following 6-7 days of your life.  Make a grocery list.  Include breakfast, lunch, and dinner.  I have found it easiest to prep as much of the food as possible on Sunday, and make sure I have lunches packed/prepared so i dont just wing it on my lunch break.  I typically drink a nice homemade smoothie after my morning workout, then pack two hard boiled eggs and a piece of fruit for snack, I do my lunch a couple hours later (salad, quinoa, and a lean meat), then another snack later like a few almonds and a piece of fruit.  I also drink plenty of fluids while at work.  I feel amazing throughout the day and have much more energy than when I would eat 3 large meals a day.

By doing this my life has felt so much easier.  I dont feel as stressed out and I feel so much more put together.  Just another bonus to feeling great while eating like this!

here are some helpful sites!

http://www.eatingwell.com/blogs/food_blog/3_easy_make_ahead_meals_you_can_freeze

http://www.fitnessmagazine.com/recipes/quick-recipes/dinner/the-7-day-fight-fighting-menu/?page=2

http://www.greenplaterule.com/health-nutrition/sunday-night-prep-to-eat-clean-all-week/

http://www.womenshealthmag.com/fitness/best-workout-for-your-body-type

My Arby's Dinner (BLAH)

After a week of healthy, wholesome ORGANIZED eating I was lazy one night and ate Arby's.  Instantly noticed a change in the way I felt.  I was told, "It couldnt have been that bad, all you ate was a roast beef sandwhich, a few onion rings, and a small Pepsi".  I knew he had to be wrong.  So I did my research.

I think a lot of people are misguided as to what is and isnt healthy.  So by eating a med roast beef, small pepsi, and a few onion rings here is what my nutrition facts looks like (from Arby's website):

So no wonder I felt like garbage.  You are what you eat.  What a huge change in what I had been consuming.  Recently it was 5-6 small meals a day all containing fresh produce, whole grains, protein, dairy, and by eating that way I felt satisfied and had a lot of energy.  After eating Arby's I did not feel satisfied, I felt like something was missing, I felt bloated and sick.  It makes a world of difference to eat right. 

So my next blog is why do we eat like this and how can we stop?!

Realizing what I really wanted out of my lifestyle change

My entire life I have longed to look as good as those dang VS models, and lets just face it, I wont ever look like them regardless of what I do-unless its plastic surgery.  I refuse to alter my body in that way, I refuse to be fake.  I have focused on losing my fat and being skinny and in turn I have not been happy.  I have set goals for myself and expected results right away and been disapointed when it doesnt work out the way I want.

After much disapointment I began to reflect on myself.  I realized I actually want to be strong, and healthy.  Who gives a damn about losing WEIGHT, I want to lose fat and gain muscle.  I want to be fit.  I want to feel like I can do anything! 

So my weightloss goals became fitness goals.  I would eat healthy and I would workout often.  I would not focus on my weight but instead on how I felt. 

I got back into the habit of working out in the mornings.  I feel better through the day after a good morning sweat session.  I dont have an afternoon work out looming over my head, I dont have the chaos a day can create ruining my time to work out.  I do it before most people even get out of bed.  I also refuse to buy junk food.  I plan meals for a week and prep what I can before the week starts.  By doing this I eat out less, I dont have junk in the house so I dont eat junk.

I am happier by letting myself experience fitness... by knowing now that it is a JOURNEY not a DESTINATION.  I will always be on this fitness journey.  It is hard work and I still get discouraged.  AND people stop telling me that I am lucky because I have "good genes" or it must be nice being naturally skinny and not having to work.  That is all so far from the truth.  I make conscious decisions every day that effect my health.  I am not fit because I was born this way.  I am fit because I work my ass off to be this way.