Spiraling out of Control

Wow, it has been way too long since I have been on here.  I will be honest, I have fallen off the wagon since about June, right after I ran the Tough Mudder.  I only worked out once or twice a week, but my eating habits increasingly got worse.  It was a vicious cycle.  For each unhealthy choice I made I would tell myself that today was the last day of this.  Each day I told myself that same thing.  In turn my self esteem rapidly dropped, the body I had worked so hard for began deteriorating into what I refer to as "skinny-fat",  I still looked skinny clothed, but underneath I have lost a lot of the muscle and replaced it with fat.

Last week I took one serious look into my habits, evaluated where I stood and started to watch what i was doing.  I see the struggles people go through now.  So there is my silver lining, I can relate better to people who struggle with overeating, food addictions, no desire to workout, etc.   I hate being in this place.   I hate how badly I feel about myself, how I don't feel strong and healthy, how I don't feel like I can conquer physical challenges any more.  So on Monday I decided to stop think

ing about how bad I felt and do something positive to get me back to where I am happy.

 My changes are really hard for me.  I have to break bad eating habits, bad drinking habits, and being lazy.
I have to plan meals because failing to plan is planning to fail.  It is the place where we pick something up that is fast, or I eat something bad for me because I waited too long to eat, or not packing breakfast so I pick up a bagel and cream cheese.  I know what causes my bad eating habits, so awareness helps!  I have to limit my portions, even if this means dumping salt on it when I am full but still want to eat more just because it tastes good (I do this all of the time).  Realizing that when I go out to eat I can make healthy choices, I dont need to pick whatever sounds like its going to taste the best- because when I go out I pick something to eat like it is my last meal, it doesn't matter how bad it is for me, if I want it I want it- and lets face it, it most likely wont be my last meal :)  I need to Realize that only sometimes I should be picking whatever i want just because I want it, like on a special occasion.  I need to limit my alcohol intake.  Summer is always my downfall on this.  I love my wine and beer.  Even though it is better than drinking soda it should also be drank in moderation.

Working out is the easy part.  As long as I plan to do it it will get done.  It feels good, it gives my a high, and automatically increases my mood and self esteem.

So here it is.  I am holding myself accountable by blogging how well or how bad I did each day.  My struggles and failures, my successes and changes will all be posted here now.  Wish me luck to get back to my healthy, happy place!