Realizing what I really wanted out of my lifestyle change

My entire life I have longed to look as good as those dang VS models, and lets just face it, I wont ever look like them regardless of what I do-unless its plastic surgery.  I refuse to alter my body in that way, I refuse to be fake.  I have focused on losing my fat and being skinny and in turn I have not been happy.  I have set goals for myself and expected results right away and been disapointed when it doesnt work out the way I want.

After much disapointment I began to reflect on myself.  I realized I actually want to be strong, and healthy.  Who gives a damn about losing WEIGHT, I want to lose fat and gain muscle.  I want to be fit.  I want to feel like I can do anything! 

So my weightloss goals became fitness goals.  I would eat healthy and I would workout often.  I would not focus on my weight but instead on how I felt. 

I got back into the habit of working out in the mornings.  I feel better through the day after a good morning sweat session.  I dont have an afternoon work out looming over my head, I dont have the chaos a day can create ruining my time to work out.  I do it before most people even get out of bed.  I also refuse to buy junk food.  I plan meals for a week and prep what I can before the week starts.  By doing this I eat out less, I dont have junk in the house so I dont eat junk.

I am happier by letting myself experience fitness... by knowing now that it is a JOURNEY not a DESTINATION.  I will always be on this fitness journey.  It is hard work and I still get discouraged.  AND people stop telling me that I am lucky because I have "good genes" or it must be nice being naturally skinny and not having to work.  That is all so far from the truth.  I make conscious decisions every day that effect my health.  I am not fit because I was born this way.  I am fit because I work my ass off to be this way.